I don’t believe I was ever an “ordinary” child. From the time I was very young, I was told I would do great things. Most might take that as a statement that parents usually make to their offspring as a way to encourage them, but I felt that their words were quite different than the ones other families would say.
I have experienced much trauma in my life, and I’ll confess there were times when I met my breaking point in horrible ways. Somehow, some way, I pulled through and went on. But I always felt that there was something...missing, as though I was harboring a hole where my heart should be.
I felt empty, useless, alone, and tangled up in my emotions, which would vary greatly from day to day. It was excruciating to live through so much sorrow, and I didn’t know how much more I could take.
I can very clearly recall the night I met my first guide. I had been talking with Sheyna, and I was describing how I felt comforted. I noticed a light around me that was all shades of blue. At first, my rational mind loudly shouted that I was going crazy, and to turn over and go to sleep instead of staring in wide-eyed wonder at this surprising brightness that gave off so much love. As soon as that thought came, I very clearly heard a voice.
“Don’t you think childlike wonder is something you need to reclaim?”
I was stunned. Being religious, the only voice I had thought one could ever hear was God’s, and even then, only through reading the Scriptures, never audibly. But this...this was different, and I yearned for more of it. To my surprise, the light grew stronger, and danced across my fingers, up my arms, and wound around my shoulders. It felt like being hugged tightly, and I began to cry. I had felt love before, but somehow, it always came with a price: judgment and conditionality, usually. This was nothing like what I had experienced in my past, and then I heard the voice again.
“I’m not here to counsel you through that past. I’m here to help you step boldly into your future.”
By this time, I was wildly curious about who this voice belonged to. With Sheyna’s gentle nudging, I asked, and received a name that immediately invoked images of strength, kindness, and protection—everything I needed at that moment in my life.
When I opened myself up to this guide, I received confirmation of another only days later. This one surrounded me with boldness, the ability to speak truth (my own and others’), and a wild sense of fun and laughter, which were things I had nearly forgotten existed.
I will forever be grateful to Sheyna for her willingness to be open about her journey. I have become a completely different woman, and upon reflection, I can’t recognize the one I used to be. I will never return to that barren place. One of my guides is prone to telling me the following encouraging tidbit, and I hope that it helps someone who is searching:
“You can look back and feel the harsh winds of regret, or you can face forward and feel the gentle breeze of possibility and hope.”
With joy, love, and peace, Miriam.